Near completed status

I officially finish my practicum sesh at the home today (provided the girls appear). I've got only 2 more hours to clock and it's a mixture of feelings.

Hmmm...

I can't imagine that I've gone through this - with all it's emotional ups and downs, and wow, I stand amazed because God has been with me through it all. I did a final closure sesh with some girls on Monday and their reactions and feedback towards the sessions I had with them were somewhat a pleasant surprise! All except one were kinda sad that it was ending; I mean, I was surprised because all these while, they've been grousing and grumbling about coming to see a psychologist and then at the end of it, they say that they would feel a difference without me coming in to see them anymore because then they'd have a loss of someone they can talk to.

When I talked over this with my supervisor, he told me the exact same thing that he had told me before when I first started out with this prac stint. He had said that at the end of the practicum when I do my final sesh with the clients, I might be surprised that it wouldn't be the interventions and solutions that would make an impact upon the client but my mere presence would do just that. I remember thinking and feeling odd thinking about the possibility of that. At the end of prac, I don't feel that it's odd anymore. I think it's true.

The message and lesson learnt here is this: never underestimate the power of just being there for a person. I remember when I first started out, I adopted the stance of a superwoman or heroine, if I may, thinking that I'm out there to save these girls from hell and horrible failure in life, and make a world of a difference that they would bow down and thank me from the bottom of their hearts, and hail me as a wonderful influence that dramatically changed the course of their lives. Okay, this version is very exaggerated, but you know what I mean. I wanted to make a difference! And here at the end of it, I think that I made no difference, and I felt like I was a nobody, beat up and almost bent out of shape, if not for my faith and a helpful supervisor and a supportive network of friends. But yet, I did have an influence, although not in the glorified idealistic way that I had in mind before. My presence itself for them was the influence. The power of just being.

I have had a roller coaster experience; a slow roller coaster ride. Of one which I got off many times, screaming that this ride would end. Childish as it may sound, I really wanted it to end because it was so painful for myself to face the emotions and struggles in me. I've learnt lessons in perseverance, in facing up to personal issues that would stand in my way of being a more congruent person and professional, in learning that being ethical for the well-being of the client is much more important than my own selfish personal desires. I shall write about these on a later date. Meanwhile, cheers to this experience, am grateful for it, and now it's time for me to do reflection upon this experience.